NATURAL GAS FOUND UNDER TOWN; CAUSING HALLUCINATIONS

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Strange brew wasn’t the only thing boiling in Hathian on Sunday night, as a pocket of natural gas hidden deep beneath the surface of the streets was discovered to be leaking.

Analysts rushed immediately to the area after residents were reporting sightings of Homo Coprophagus Somnambulus, otherwise known as “zombies”, and within the first test, the area tested positively for heavy amounts of methane and other chemical elements. And while these are readily available and used in most machinery, including methods for flushing sewage systems, given the right weather conditions, can cause temporary effects, such as grand hallucinations and heightened stress.

For now, the Environmental Protection Agency has gotten the leak under control, and have sent the reports to their headquarters in Washington, DC for further investigation.

One scientist, Dr. B. Esse, assured the Observer that no long term health affects would be caused by this leakage, but that anyone experiencing lasting effects, such as headaches, dizziness, or nausea, visit the Hathian General Hospital for medical care.

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