Hathianites took to the polls on Monday and Tuesday to vote for the newest version of their city government. While campaigns were brief, and the final weekend interrupted by gangland-driven chaos, candidates pushed hard, and the results are in. For City Council, a total of four seats were made available,...

Spring is upon us, and as temperatures start to warm, so does Hathian's annual political race. Over the course of the next week, candidates from across financial and social spectrum will battle for the votes of Hathian citizens, for the chance to help shape the city through the government. Voting...

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts, What is the world coming to? Recently I saw a bunch of people beating up a person who was obviously an alien so I went over to help, but as I kicked the alien a few times I cut my foot. But when I went over to the hospital, I had to pay some money upfront! And I have insurance! signed...

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts, My wife just lost a lot of weight, bought all new clothes and is out all hours of the night. At this restaurant we go to sometimes she flirts shamelessly at this big handsome bruiser of a waiter, right in front of me. Should i be worried? signed, Lonely Dear Lonely, Oh,...

Our writers here at The Observer have noticed a new Twitter account pop up within the last 24 hours. It appears to be centered around taking pictures of various locales in Hathian. So far, there’s only a couple of choice spots, but there’s no question we could all use a little positivity in our lives....

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts, I just had a baby and my vajajay is all out of whack down there.  How can i get it back in shape? signed, Loose as a goose Dear Loose, Ya, a baby will mess up your yumyum for sure, but you can do this exercise called a kriegle, i think.  You just tighten down your...

Funeral Service for former HPD Corporal Circe 'Cece' Dionysus will be held Sunday of this week, February 12, 2017, at 1pm (SLT). Family, friends, and HPD members are invited to gather and pay their respects at the cemetery on King Street, across from Rader Record Store, behind Bourbon Street.