Streakers Struck Dumb

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by Tarja Olzon ((Fionola Resident))

The peaceful quiet of a Hathian night was shattered forever by the cry of “LEEERROOYYYYYY JENNNKINNSS!” as officer King of the HPD launched herself at an armed assailant during an incident that can only be described as an act of public nudity gone horribly wrong.

It seems this ‘incident’ all began when two of Hathian’s heroes, persons who have tentatively been identified as members of the Fire Department of Hathian, became so intoxicated they decided a stroll down Berthier Street in the buff, while searching for ice cream sounded like a grand idea. Luckily the Hathian Police Department was on hand to herd the dangerous criminals into the middle of a public street before deploying their tactics of football tackles and tazing of bystanders to bring the situation to a quick resolution.

Officer King Responding to the Incident

This reporter is left wondering what if any lessons can be learned, perhaps if they had only consumed more alcohol they might have simply passed out at the scene? Or perhaps the HPD should order mandatory retraining of its officers in the use of less out-of-date memes. We may never know for certain, but this reporter will certainly not be complaining about the quality of entertainment provided by our municipal departments.

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