Snakes on a Toilet?

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by Tarja Olzon ((Fionola Resident))

The Hathian Animal Control Office and the Louisiana Department of Wildlife and Fisheries have issued a joint statement warning residents of a new threat to the region. Over the past week there have been an increasing number of reports of snakes moving into human inhabited areas in far greater numbers than have been recorded in the past. These snakes have been reported slithering from sewer drains, open culverts, waterways and most disturbingly, several have been reported emerging from residential toilets.

While most of these reptiles are relatively harmless to humans, some species observed include the northern cottonmouth water moccasin and other venomous breeds. Wildlife experts believe that the recent extreme weather, destruction of habitat by pollution and climate change are responsible for driving these deadly creatures into our homes and streets. Though some in the community suggest that the snakes are a manifestation of Satan, sent to destroy Hathian for our collective sins. The jury is out on this one.

The statement continues on to warn all residents to practice extra vigilance and treat the threat as real, never assume a snake isn’t out to get you just because it looks handsome. In particular patrons of Bourbon Street should be on the watch for the one eyed trouser snake as it can carry many dangerous diseases and has been known to spit from a distance of several feet. If you encounter any of these cold blooded menaces, it is recommended that you assume the animal may be venomous and keep your distance. In the event this is not possible, or the snake is in your toilet and you really need to go, this reporter recommends an overwhelming use of firepower, 45 caliber at the least, or a blade at the end of a very long stick. If all else fails, contact animal control (504)222-1784 or the Department of Wildlife and Fisheries (504)555-1010 and they will dispatch an officer to remove the animal, eventually.

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