Dear Grace: Torn Apart

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Dear Grace,
I don’t even know where to start. I guess I can start at; I am a lucky man, able to have any woman I want. However I have a friend who I really like. We been friends for years now and I know I have this crush on her, have had this feeling for a long time now. I keep thinking-no- hoping- that this feeling will go away, but it wont. Shes not like the other women out there, shes not just a one night stand, shes possibly the one person I connect with. Sure shes…an airhead and (at times) clumsy but I have fallen for her and I don’t know if the feeling is mutual, I get these signals but I don’t react in time in fear that I might be wrong and the signals end up disappearing into mid air for a while before returning eventually in one big confusing cycle. We both have had horrible things happen to us in the past and there never is a right time to tell her how I feel. We have joked and laughed about being a couple but I want it to become a reality. Is it too late to tell her how I feel now? How do I know when to tell her? How the fuck do I tell her?
Torn Apart

 

Dear Torn Apart,

I can relate to this, strangely. I have a friend who I have loved for years. We did the same thing, make jokes, and never actually get around to doing anything more. By the time one of us tried to pluck up the courage the other one ended up with someone else, and it hurt us each time. With this friend, it happened one too many times, and sadly, he and I will only ever stay friends. It wasn’t until he pulled out of my life that I realized what a dumb ass I had been.

I would change the way I handled things if I could. I would have gotten braver and did more than ask him out to dinner occasionally. He and I still talk and joke but things feel different. Don’t let this be you, don’t waste your opportunity whilst you still have it.

I wish there was a magic way to deal with it, sadly, it takes you telling her outright. If you guys joke about being a couple, there is a good chance shes been hinting too. It’s horrible when you are both scared to take the next step and move out of friendship into something more. If you tell her and the feeling isn’t mutual, it will hurt, but not as much as wondering all the time if there is something there. You won’t be able to move on until you know either way. Invite her out to dinner, take her hand and look her dead in the eye and tell her how you feel. No more joking. You have been friends for years, chances are she will know when you are serious or not. I do advise saying something sooner rather than later because you don’t want someone else to get there before you. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, but, I suspect things will go well for you.

Worst case, show her this article and tell her this is about you and her.

Would love to get an update at some point,

Grace

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