Dear Grace,
With Valentines around the corner, I know there’s going to be an expectation for me to propose to my girlfriend. I mean. I want to but not yet. Not sure what I should do or if I do it how to do it. If I don’t propose, she’s gonna leave me; but, if I do I will feel like I did it under social expectation. Is there a middle ground? Do people still give promise rings? I do want to get married some day, but, on my own time and terms.
What do you suggest?
Dear Reluctant to Wed,
Let’s address the first thing, you are not twelve you don’t give out a promise ring.
Now for the rest. Talk to her. You can tell her how you feel without starting an argument. If you have been together a while, she may actually know about your views on social expectations. You can still prepare her.
However, if you decide to propose, do something that suits her. Take her horse riding, out for a meal, to the pub, for a picnic, anything and find a nice time to do it. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. Anything nice, anything that shows you have paid attention to her in some way.
Lastly, if she loves you, she may be a bit upset you didn’t propose, but I doubt she will leave you. If all she wants from you is marriage, then you have a problem there and not a relationship that’s going to last through the ups and downs of a marriage.
I would also like to add that it’s not always a bad thing to succumb to social expectations, if it makes someone happy. You said you want to get married someday, which means you can propose and try to have a long engagement. Getting engaged isn’t the final pledge you make to someone, but its the promise of a future. Some women will settle for engagement.
Finally, it’s a leap year, if you don’t propose to her on valentines she may turn it around on you on February 29th and be the one to do the proposing.
Good luck, although I don’t think you need it, I suspect you have the answer already.
Grace.
