I have been in a relationship with a guy for about 3 years now, I really love him, but I also have a problem. When we got together he was shit in the sack, like… totally awful. In fact he didn’t do it for me, I have’nt even been turned on by him. He wanted me to orgasm so bad that I started faking it. It then became a habit. Now he does all the things to my body that I hate, like he twists my nipples as if hes tuning the radio, and my clit is rubbed raw. I don’t know how to get him to do the things I like anymore. Even worse, we are living together and I cant even sneak away after sex to do what he hasn’t been able to. I really don’t know how to fix this.
BTW. I love your article.
This is a mistake many women make. Sadly, it is your fault not his, you never gave him the chance to improve. The best way to start a relationship is with communication, you don’t have to sit down and chat, but you do have to let him know what you like and dislike, and faking orgasms or pleasure isn’t the way to do it. He wont ever be able to turn you on or make you orgasm till he knows how your body works. There is a simple solution to your problem though but its going to be difficult. You need to TALK to him. Sit him down and explain what happened, be gentle with him, and certainly don’t tell him hes “shit in the sack”. Once hes got over the shock, and possibly done some yelling, and frankly I wont blame him. You need to get into bed and show him what you like. Even if its teaching him to masturbate you. Or you masturbating during sex – that’s allowed too. Tell him where you like to be kissed, touched, bitten etc. This problem isn’t insurmountable.
On another note, if he breaks up with you after three years of lies, there are plenty of men in Hathian who will make your toes curl. You could always try an ad in The Meet Market.
I really hope you find your orgasm and that your bloke is understanding.