Dear Grace.

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Dear Grace,

A few months ago I split with my sons father. Unfortunately it wasn’t an amicable break up. But now I hear hes got a new girlfriend and although I allow him to see my son, I don’t want her getting involved. He took the decision out of my hands though and introduced them. I feel so angry. I keep giving him instructions on what my son needs and he ignores me all the time. He just does what he wants. How can I make him realize that what he is doing wrong?

Dear Broken up,

First of all, he isnt YOUR son, you need to start using the pronoun “our”. You had him together. If you claim ownership, than your son is half his too. Secondly, it should be more than “allow” your son to see his father, you need to start encouraging their relationship. Thirdly, you cant dictate who your ex sees, and who your son sees in his presence. The reason why you have an issue with this is its a girlfriend. Your Ex has moved on. Its that information you struggle with. Then there is the jealousy that someone else is in your sons life in a similar capacity to your own. Don’t worry you cant be replaced, and neither can your ex.

Its hard to see our ex’s living well without us and even harder when a child is involved. You have an urge to protect your son, but so does your ex. When you bring home a boyfriend, he will have the same issues. No one wants to feel replaced and a new partner will raise these worries.  Co- parenting is a thing and you need to find out what works for you. Drop the hate and anger, and do this for your son. Your boy will benefit from parents who work together and a relationship with both of you. There was a time when you felt this man was the one to have children with, there was a time where you planned how to parent together, both of you giving up some of your ideals for the other persons. When you split this would have changed, neither of you have to do as the other one preferred. That said, perhaps you two need to try and work together to parent how you wanted to originally. Separate beds, and separate lives doesn’t mean separate child.

Finally, give this woman a chance. It cant be a bad thing if your son has another person in his life to love and protect him can it?

I hope you find your answers

Grace.

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