Domestic Abuse in Hathian, A Victim Speaks Out

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On Sunday afternoon I experienced a story of great pain and anguish, brutality and cruelty at the hands of domestic abuse, but also the bravery of the victim in speaking out, in wanting to fully detail her experiences in an abusive same sex relationship, and her candid depiction of life as the victim of abuse by someone she cared for deeply.  While this is one person’s word against another and so it is up to you the reader to decide if you believe the story you are about to read I would ask that you read it with an open mind and only at the end decide to form an opinion.

The young woman arrived at the Observer looking decidedly nervous as she wheels her wheelchair into the back room where it is a little more quiet and feels a little more comfortable to talk in,  I introduced myself and the young woman introduced herself as Yelena Sinclair.  It was obvious by the way she acted that she was still uncomfortable even here where she should feel a little at ease and looking into her face you could tell this looked like  a woman who had been through an ordeal.

Yelena Sinclair: Well… erm… I think that we can start by me introducing myself… I had a lot of time to mull on this, my name is Yelena Sinclair I am also known as the founder of “Five Gold and a party” – A games store that also helps disadvantaged women build the skills they need to get more opportunities. In this talk, I want to share why this is my passion because I was abused for years. In this interview from The Hathian Observer, I want to share how I was attacked by my wife, and felt so disheartened that no one came to my aid. Y-you might wonder what happened? What didn’t happen, you should wonder. As it would be easier to answer that. What didn’t happen, can be summed up in few brief words. What didn’t happen, was that she didn’t stay the same person I met. She changed.”

Hathian Observer: “How long were you with this woman before she started to change?”

Yelena Sinclair: “I- I am not sure. Few years. At first things were not that bad…. At first, nothing would happen. She would come home, irritated from work. Her bosses were all jackasses, and they would often get on her nerves. Her current boss is by far the worst. So, anyways, she would come home, and try to pick a fight. Most of the time, I did not reply, and tried not to further irritate her. There was this one time, when she attacked me for doing what she wanted. She asked me to bark. I refused. Then she told me that I am useless and that I can’t do anything. I felt bad, and barked. That set her off, and she shouted at me for ‘being a smartass’.”

Hathian Observer: “So you gradually saw it over time, subtle changes taking place until she became the completely different almost polar opposite of the woman that you met?”

Yelena Sinclair: “Yes, that is correct. I… to be honest, I did not really take note of the changes for some time, until she had changed a lot. It’s like… you know… she was taking small steps, and I had not noticed them. But step by step she went half way around the world. It didn’t take place in the bedroom, to be frank with you. It was in the dining room . Mostly berating me for my condition. And some other things,  I was just that, a punching bag and I can take it if they come to realize that this is a widespread problem. Our bedroom door was locked from outside and she’d lock away my chair. I could not leave the house. I was not allowed to bath unless she was in the house. I was not allowed to eat if she was not in the house.”

Hathian Observer: “Ok so let me get this right just so I know where we are up to. Can you describe how your partner was acting?”

Yelena Sinclair: “I think that I already kind of answered that. But I’ll do it again. At first, nothing would happen. She would come home, irritated from work. Her bosses were all jackasses, and they would often get on her nerves. Her current boss is by far the worst. So, anyways, she would come home, and try to pick a fight. Most of the time, I did not reply, and tried not to further irritate her. There was this one time, when she attacked me for doing what she wanted. She asked me to bark. I refused. Then she told me that I am useless and that I can’t do anything. I felt bad, and barked. That set her off, and she shouted at me for “being a smartass.”

Hathian Observer: “What what was said to you?”

Yelena Sinclair:Many things were said to me. Mostly berating me for my condition. And some other things, that struck a bit too close to home… can I not answer this?”

Hathian Observer: “Sorry to ask but did she say do or say anything which made you feel afraid?”

Yelena Sinclair: “Again, she said many things. She made threats against my life, on numerous occasions. And came close to fulfilling them. I was a prisoner in my own home. I couldn’t look out the window. I could never go out for any reason other than work.”

Hathian Observer: “Wait, you couldn’t go out? what do you mean? and you still have not mentioned who this person is Miss Sinclair, would you care to name this person?”

Yelena Sinclair: “I wasn’t allowed to. There was cameras inside my house so she could watch my every move.  I’d name her. I will. Her name is Alexis. Alexis Sinclair. I took her name, when we married. When she was my Alex. When she was gentle and caring person. When I was proud to be with her and to love her. When I was not ashamed of the monster she had warped herself into.”

Hathian Observer: “Sorry but it seems obvious to me but at the time maybe not something you would think about, but why didn’t you just use your cell phone or go out and find a payphone and call the police?”

Yelena Sinclair:  “I was worried that she’d hurt them. She even kidnapped a police officer, and held her hostage in our basement. I didn’t call the authorities, because I was deathly afraid of what she might do, if she found out.”

Hathian Observer: “Are you safe from her now?”  You are here, now, I mean why not come forward sooner, or even better, Why not just open the door and leave.”

Yelena Sinclair: “I do not know,  if I am safe from her. I mean.. she works just across the street, in the labor union… It’s a risk, just to come here. If she finds that I am here… Our bedroom door was locked from outside and she’d lock away my chair. I could not leave the house. I was not allowed to bath unless she was in the house. I was not allowed to eat if she was not in the house. You should have seen her few months ago. We had to take care of her boss’ babies. The woman lost her house, and they were left homeless. We had to take care of the babies. I offered to do it, because the babies, are not responsible for the sins of the parents. They did not deserve to be left on the street, even if their mother is a terrible person.”

Hathian Observer: “All those months ago, when you and Alexis Sinclair had to take care of her boss’s children for few weeks, because her boss lost her house and had no place to stay. Is this when she started to hit you? or had it started before this? Was this an escalation point for things getting much worse than they had been before in your relationship?”

Yelena Sinclair:  “As the babies and the kid stayed at our place, Alex couldn’t find a place in the house. She was seething around the little ones.. This is when not just the physical abuse, the verbal abuse, the sexual abuse, it was just everything just at once, that’s when everything started.”

Hathian Observer: “Just curious but did she ever try to explain her abuse, try to justify why she was being like this with you?”

Yelena Sinclair:  “She wasn’t like this, not at the start… she was very caring. She would never hurt anybody. She caught spiders and let the out of the house, so that she wouldn’t kill them. She was a good person, once. But that person is dead now.  Her excuse was she was afraid to lose me cause she loved me so much and that was her way of showing me that she loved me.   That’s fucked up logic, right? I wanted to believe her… I really did. I was fooling myself.  I was fooling myself into thinking that she would get better.  That my Alex would come back to me… I was a damnable imbecile… I proved my father right, you know?  I mean, he was not happy, when I told them that I was bisexual. And he was never the same, after that. He called me a food, stupid girl, and all manner of words like that. I guess that he was right in the end. I proved him right, on every occasion…”

Hathian Observer: “It is good that you are finally out of such a toxic relationship, So what are you currently doing with your life now you are free of her and how are you managing to cope after going through such a dreadful ordeal.”

Yelena Sinclair: “It is good.  I’m living with a friend right now who’s helping to make life better for me, emotionally and physically after my last attack left me in the hospital with heart problems. With a little luck, I might be able to stand again, with a little help anyways.

Hathian Observer: “Well I hope you are much better now and are getting the chance to fully recover from everything, look I feel like I have asked you enough and I apologise if some of the questions have been cold but I need to ask because people need to know this, they need to know there is light at the end of the tunnel, talking of which I have one last question, well it is more a platform for you to say what you would like to. Have you got any statements or advice to give to anyone else seeking help escaping from abuse?”

Yelena Sinclair:  “Go to see a counsellor. Tell as many people that care about you. Find a way to live separately. Save money. Get out. It hurts like hell but it hurts even more when the abuse reaches a climax…don’t give power to anyone…even those you love. Relationships shouldn’t be that hard… demand the best for yourself. Don’t be a victim. Fight back by letting go. Someone who will really love you is waiting. Go work on yourself and give it time. That right person or people will come into your life and you’ll wonder why you ever stayed so long with an abuser. Stop the cycle…create your own. “

Hathian Observer: “I think that is about it Miss Sinclair, I will head out and try find her, make her aware the story is going to be published, and give her the opportunity to respond to what you have said.”

Yelena Sinclair: “She’ll naturally deny it. I mean, what abuser would confess that they abused? B-but I am sure that if you go to the police, they can fetch her prior crimes.”

As she left Yelena had one final word of caution for the reporter, “Just be careful, please. I can’t have anybody else hurt on my accord.” she said as she rolled her wheelchair to the door and then  departed the building.

Once again I want to state that this is one person’s claim against another person.  The Hathian Observer did try to speak to Alexis Sinclair but she became very violent and attacked this reporter, throwing chairs and tables before turning on me violently in a manner which would make me believe that the allegations that Yelena Sinclair against her former partner were indeed true however during the brief conversation with Alexis Sinclair she continued to deny the allegations and insisted that the Observer was being manipulated, and also made claims that she believed someone someone from Hathian Police Department was responsible for the story being spread about her.

It is our duty here at the Hathian Observer to report both sides of a story which we try to do to the best of our abilities and so we present Alexis’s story as being her truth, her version of events while also bearing in mind the allegations that Yelena Sinclair has made against her and taking them again at face value as being the truth, maybe one is telling an untruth, maybe the truth is somewhere in between we can not be sure all we can do is present to you this story in the hope that it highlights the issue of domestic abuse and the breakdown of a once-loving relationship, be it truth or not it is still a compelling story does still accurately describes similar real life events that go on behind closed doors across the world and needs to be told.

 

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