Unspeakable Acts at Lou’s

4 mins read

Lou’s Bar is so often the scene of something violent and downright strange, and once again it was the center of Hathian Police Department attention on the morning of Friday October 26th.

When this reporter arrived on the scene, which was later wrapped up with the perpetrators in HPD custody, Hathian’s finest once again came to the rescue of the innocent citizens of this sleepy ‘burb. Except that this time, it seemed that they were having to intervene on behalf of one of their own. Fortunately (or perhaps, unfortunately for many of you), the police department did not allow photos to be released regarding this incident, however, we can report that there was a male officer down, seemingly unconscious on the floor… with his tongue nailed to the floor.

There were two suspects apprehended at the scene. One, a female with purple hair, who at this stage is unnamed. She was unconscious. The other, a tall male dressed in black, was named by witnesses as Max DeVille. He was safely subdued by officers at the scene. It appeared that Deville had tried to attack one of the officers attending the scene and had been on the sharp end of a tasing as a result.

His weapons of choice were unusual to say the least. He had obviously used a hammer to drive the nail through the officer’s tongue. But then, it appeared that he tried to attack the other officer with a spoon! And the hammer in turn had been used by one of the officers to subdue DeVille. This particular officer could be seen sporting a voodoo style tophat, which was clearly not HPD uniform, but from what is known of DeVille, it was likely to have been his.

Witnesses at the scene provided more information. Apparently, DeVille had turned up to find his associate in an altercation with the officer, likely resisting arrest. Deville intervened, the pair of them managed to bring the officer to the ground and pulled his tongue out of his mouth with a pair of lockjaw pliers. Deville was then heard shouting about not speaking against his God, referred to as “Abaddon”, and claimed that said God was “the way, the truth and the fire”. Then, he drove a nail through the poor officer’s tongue, impaling it onto the dirty bar floor. Doctor Sarah Parker, who was a witness at the scene and who identified Mr. DeVille, had this to say; “It was horrible to watch Dylan’s tongue getting nailed to the floor and it almost made me throw up.”

Further research revealed that DeVille is associated with two other known criminals, openly claiming them as “Family”. These two are known as Dark and Kiryu Hideyoshi. The three of them are well-known to the police, and are involved in a group known only as “the Order.” Hideyoshi was also recently involved in child abduction along with another familial associate, Peninnah Aisley. Aisley’s relationship to DeVille and Dark, at this stage, is not entirely known.

It should also be noted that it took four of Hathian’s finest to subdue these two obviously dangerous, and quite probably deranged, criminals at the bar on Friday. These people are clearly heroes, but what else needs to be done to remove this element from our streets, and make them safe again? Safe for the families, the children and the ordinary person who just wants to live their lives in peace and security.

What do we, as a city, need to do?

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