The Megalatron Bites Back! – Movie Review

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This weekend was the premier of the latest Forni Brothers film, The Megalatron. The film takes place on an oil rig in the middle of the Atlantic sea, where scientists are doing what scientists do. Create massively destructive items without that droning head waste known as conscience. Megalatron, a 70-foot robotic shark believed to be the answer for revolutionized underwater warfare seemed like the perfect solution to our strategic oceanic problems. That is, until one went rogue!

Rotten Tomatoes gave the movie a rating of 48%, but I personally have trouble accepting advice from anyone who can’t decide if they’re a vegetable or a fruit. It’s very easy to tell. If you’re a fruit you sashay, if you’re a vegetable, you just lay.

A huge fan of both, sharks and enormous robotic things, I decided to saunter down to give it a go myself. Packing up my purse full of snacks, (because lets be honest, 400 lindens for M&Ms is a bit much, people), dragged my thoroughly reluctant husband by the shirt and hopped in the old family wagon!

Very fortunately for all of us here in Hathian, our movie theater serves alcohol. The film began with the typical romantic vore of our favorite porns which always involve cute Asians being swallowed, though without the gratification of the taste bud tentacles.

There was poisonous gas escaping from my husband (pork rinds and beer always does that to him), as well as the bed of the ocean! The effects were quite catastrophic! Not only did the sexy couple in front of us performing PDF (Public Displays of Fellatio) move further away, forcing us to engage in actually watching the screen, but it also gave our Megalatron star plenty of fossil fuel to keep going and going and going.

In the end there were a plethora explosives, because we all keep those handy for when in a tight spot, and plenty of inflatable life rafts that seemed to be impenetrable when all the yachts and boats were not sufficient enough to withstand the massive attacks!

If you enjoy suspense, laughing at inappropriate times, watching the intelligent and successful being eaten while the stupid and useless survive, or are just looking for a place with overpriced drinks and no sense of when to cut you off, I highly recommend this film! Excellent for a date, or to masturbate, just don’t be that guy! Practice safe cinema and wrap it up, boys and girls!

 

 

 

 

 

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