(the following is a video posted on the Observer website of a contestant interview for the upcoming Hathian Bachelor reality show)
David would put on a bright smile and looked into the camera. “Well hello there Hathian. And welcome to..” David stopped and cleared his throat before yelling. “I DIDN’T LIKE THAT. WE ARE STARTING AGAIN.” David shook his head a bit before smiling at the camera for an uncomfortable amount of time. “Hello! And welcome to the Hathian Bachelor, Meet the Girls Special. This is a five part series spotlighting the girls vying for the attention of our bachelor. tonight we are here with Ren.” he would smile as he looked over at the woman. “Thank you so much for joining us tonight. I trust you are well?” he would ask as he crossed his legs and got into a girl gossip session pose.
Ren was watching David, as he called cut and redid the opening, she beamed, perfection, and now this was her moment she paused, just then the small fan in the room caught her blonde tresses, the light flickering, seeming to spotlight her like some movie close up, ” Hello David ! It is just a pleasure to be included in this! I am perfect, and so ready to meet the Bachelor! And of course the other girls!” Ren pulled a face, feigning sweetness, ” I hope to leave the house with 5 new friends… or 4… at least 2 new friends.”
David let out a fake T.V. chuckle as he looked at her. “Oh, You.” he glanced at the camera as he continued talking. “Ren is the first contestant we will be getting to know before the main event.” He looked back at the woman with admiration. “So Ren. you are excited to be here, I hope we aren’t keeping you from anything. What does Ren do these days? Tell us what the average day for you is like?”
Ren talked about her fitness goals and how she works out with a personal trainer every day… lies! ((Log lost due to crashing))
David gave an impressed look as listened to her talk. “Well working out is very important. we must always be looking our best.” he eyed the camera as he gave a slight nod. “It sounds like you are in great shape. and really. it shows. just look at you.” David gave a bit of a surprised look. “Beauty and brains! I bet you can mix a killer drink. And I might just be calling you when I get in trouble!” David gave that fake T. V. laugh again before he noticed someone behind the camera. “I said no fucking crocs. What the fuck are those. Get out. Get your lazy non-shoe wearing ass out of this studio!” David paused as he looked wide eyes into the camera. “They will cut that out.” he would mutter before looking at Ren. “You really are my favorite contestant.” he would say not remembering he was wearing a mic.” Well it looks like you are a busy woman. Now from what I’ve been told, is that you were in law enforcement before you landed here in Hathian. What made you go for a career change? And what brought you to Hathian?”
Ren smiled, getting to discuss one of her favorite topics, herself… though as she caught sight of the crocs an audible gasp escaped her, shaking her head trying to regain composure, flashing David a knowing look, crocs as he continued on she nodded, “I know! You are my favorite star, You are so hot right now” smiling she picked up where she left off, “Well yes I was floundering, you know… it’s hard being a cop… It’s awkward having a policewoman around the house. Even a hot one like me. Friends drop in, a sexy girl with a badge answers the door, the temperature drops 20 degrees. You throw a party and that badge gets in the way. All of a sudden there isn’t a straight man in the crowd. Everybody’s a comedian. “Don’t drink too much,” somebody says, “or the man with a badge’ll run you in.” Or “How’s it going Detective slutty? How many jaywalkers did you pinch today?” And then there’s always the one who wants to know how many apples you stole. All at once you lost your first name. You’re a cop, a flatfoot, a bull, a dick, Jane Law. You’re the fuzz, the heat; you’re poison, you’re trouble, you’re bad news. They call you everything, but never a policewoman.” Ren then blinked,” I forgot what we were talking about, but yes, I needed a change in atmosphere, a change in professions, though my number one profession will always be dance… Dancing at Trixies…”
David looked on in amazement. “you know, I was an officer too. I know the feeling. you write one parking ticked to a fat guy and all of a sudden you are a bad cop. hit a fellow officer with a shoe and you have to be made an example of.” David huffed as he himself got off topic a little. “Well we are so glad you did decide to join us in this shit stain of a town. You really do bring a certain light to the town.” David reached forward and grabbed the latte and took a sip before putting it back down. “So tell me about Trixie’s. You must spend a lot of time there? Will the Colonel have to fight for your attention? Or do you plan on stepping back a bit?”
Ren smiled and had almost forgotten the Colonel was part of the deal, “OH, I plan on stepping back and supporting the Colonel, and his Colonel-ling. I will study up on Colonel-fication unless he wants me to keep working? But face it if I dont have to work and all I have to do is spend some old mans money then, it will just be a lot of sex, and shopping, thats what holds a relationship together, money… oh and love or whatever… Did I say old man? I meant wonderful learned soul”
David gave a knowing nod. “There is nothing in a relationship without money and sex. That is a known fact.” he looked at the camera and then back to Ren. “And how are you prepared to handle the other contestants? Do you have any kind of plan. an angle or a strategy?” David knew he was going to do anything he could to make sure that Ren got as far as she could in the competition. “Are you looking forward to staying in the mansion?”
Ren smiled, David seemed to get her like no one else. Why couldn’t he be straight he was perfect. “Oh the other contestants, I… They seem to have nice personalities. We might even be… friends… they are nnnnice” she could barely get the word out, ” I want to help them all, with fashion, manners, etcetera… I think they will all benefit just by being around me, when I rub off on people it always improves their lives” smiling she added, “Not trying to toot your horn, but you are a master of social media, you lift up little nobodies make them stars, then let them spread their wings and fly, but the moment they are ungrateful to you, they sink… they tank, they are nothing… I just wanted to say BRAVO!” Ren clapped for David, perhaps a little longer than most people would have, clapping for someone for a full 2 minutes when it’s one on one might be awkward for some people, but Ren had adoration that she needed expressed, “Oh I ALSO have an adorable little pug dog named Brutus I hope no one is allergic! If they are they might need to sleep outside…” It was then Ren became curious “I don’t mind sleeping in a beautiful pink suite and having to share with my dog”
David beamed. “Yes. I give people the gift of stardom but I can oh so quickly yank it back. it is truly a gift I give people. Some just don’t understand.” He beamed to the camera as she clapped for him. not at all minding the attention and adoration. “Oh I absolutely love animals. You and Brutus will be comfortable. Very comfortable.” David has fully planned on giving Ren the master suite of the mansion now that so many had backed down no one would have to sleep in the garage, at least not due to lack of space. “So Ren, how are you going to react to some. of the negativity that might come your way. you must know that there are ugly people out there that are jealous of our beauty, status and fame.”
Ren was happy to be included on David’s fame train, “Oh David, you know like no one else how it is to be us! The jealousy, the tantrums, the back stabbing, the lies!” she cast an admiring glance to him briefly, “at the end of the day, I cannot help that I am blonde and gorgeous, anymore then you can help that you are gorgeous and a superstar! You just are what you were born to be, and for people that aren’t us, I just… I hear you, I understand, about all your horrific imperfections, your ugliness. The way you smell, I care… but I signed on to win, I am ready to fall in love! I am ready to be placed on a pedestal, and I will cook too, if the Colonel likes eating and stuff”
David grinned as he closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. “Well Ren, I think we have gotten a decent look at who you are and what you are about. I have no doubt you are going to soar like the true star that you are. this is going to be good for you. do you have any anything you want the Colonial to know? anything for those fans at home watching to know? ” David looked into the camera then looked at Ren.
Ren smiled almost demurely to David, then stared into the camera, “Hello Colonel, It’s me Ren, You are sort of old, you need to pick a girl that knows CPR, and can also give you a heart attack and that is me…” her head canting slightly as she pulled out a piece of paper from her cleavage, and began, “Hi Angel and Trixie, and Peni and Dro, and Roi and Scilla, and….” Ren went on for a long while listing her people, “I know you will all be watching religiously thank you for your support. Being rich wont change me, I will still send out those Christmas Card yearly story things”
David grinned as she listed off all her people. “Well it sounds like you have a small army of people that support you. I for one am a huge fan and will be rooting for you.” he would reach over and place a hand on her knee while he spoke. “Thank you so much for giving us a look into the world of Ren. I am sure you are going to be very successful at finding love.” he looked at the camera with a charming smile. “Make sure you tune in next time for another interview with one of the contestants. I can’t remember her name but I am sure she is lovely, hopefully.” he would roll his eyes as he looked back at Ren and leaned in. “You so have this in the bag.” not knowing if the cameras are running or not.
Ren smiled very chummy with David, the other contestants didn’t have a chance! Ren was in the background as David listed off the intro for the next girl, poking a finger into her mouth and making a little gagging sound, before eyes locked in on the camera man, luring his lens with her eyes, crossing and uncrossing her legs, all fatal attraction like, blowing kisses as the interview seemed to come to an end.
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