Calls to 911 on Thursday reported the second coming of Jesus, but on further investigation, a naked male identified as Fritz Hauptmann was found tied to a cross on a rooftop opposite Lou’s Bar.
Two females, one dressed in a cat-suit and another in a black balaclava were spotted alongside the man before they made their escape. They are believed to be the vigilantes previously responsible for dangling a naked male from the overpass.
Hauptmann is believed to be the same man who attempted to rape Hathian Police Department Rookie Officer Kiyome Swan just last week. A sign attached to the top of the crucifix stated “Don’t fuck with the HPD”.
When asked for comment, HPD Detective Sergeant Moonshadow stated, “Clearly this is again the work of inter-gang violence. The HPD will of course do all we can to bring these vigilantes to justice.”