Reports have been flooding in to the Observer of an ongoing crime spree in the usually safe and tranquil streets of Hathian.
A gang, or possibly a solo operator has been systematically stripping residents and visitors of their valuable belongings. The only consistency is that the victims of these crimes have been unaware of the theft until some time later. The Observer sent it’s most junior reporter to investigate this serious matter…
Initially our reporter interviewed members of the police department who refused to comment but made the following statement. “Thanks to the hard work of our department we believe the streets of Hathian to be among the safest in America – it would be inconceivable for any crime to occur here.”
We interviewed local businessman and entrepreneur Valmont Marseille, who stated that “I did lose some keys recently but can’t say for sure that they were robbed. Maybe, come to think of it … ” When pressed further on the possible identity of the culprit Mr. Marseille added, “there is this woman who’s been hanging around town … srcuffy, living rough it seems … could have been her… or it may have been the midget.”
Other locals have reported the theft of such items as a silver hairpin, silver hip flask, a box of tic-tacs (orange flavored), the key for the till at the Clam Convenience store and a host of other items such as cigarette lighters, wallets and identity cards.
Independent Crime Consultant Mr. Manny Montoya was asked for his professional opinion . “Yeah a thief might of took my breakfast and picked my pocket. Might have. I suspect the thief is very very smart cause that the only kind gonna be able to steal from me. This thief is like maybe some genius cat burglar or something.” When asked for a description, Mr. Montoya added “Description? I didn’t get a good look at her. Get away from me.”
Based on the descriptions provided we interviewed a small blonde girl in her early twenties. She declined to give her name and claimed to have no knowledge of any of the recent robberies. We would have provided a photograph of the girl however a short time after the interview our reporter discovered that their digital camera had been stolen.
The search for the truth continues. In the meantime we recommend that citizens remain indoors until the villain is apprehended.
