Personals for 09/17/2011

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◦ Bitter, unsuccessful middle aged loser wallowing in an unending sea of inert, drooping loneliness looking for 24 year old needy leech-like hanger-on to abuse with dull stories, tired sex, and Herb Alpert albums

◦ Whomever drove me home from the bar Friday night, I left my purse in your car.

◦ MISSING TONGUE. If found, please return to XXX Shop

◦ Boots for sale! Black, knee-high leather boots, slightly scuffed, smell like hooker’s feet, $50 OBO

◦ Dear pig, I saw you at Lou’s. You grabbed my butt and I told you if you did that again, I’d kill you. You did. I need your address now.

◦ Found: Pink glowstick, long since stopped glowing, may smell like ass

◦ Burger with a pair of nice buns looking for meat to fill her up

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