Personals for 05/19/2010

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Missing: One pair of underwear, slightly soiled and ripped. May smell like Cheetos.

Pregnant woman looking to sell unborn baby. Near-mint condition. Look for Cilo near Rader Records.

Acting student needs extras for next film. Must be over 18 and DDF.

Looking for group to do weekly WoW raid because my mom’s a jerk and won’t let me stay up later. Look for the one of Tre’s many offspring that likes pink hair.

Art student needs models. Any shape, size welcome. Cannot pay.

Lost: full set of organ pipes. Reward for return, no questions asked!

Found: One pair of underwear, very soiled and ripped. Smells like Cheetos and sour milk.

Seeking free expired condoms for art project. Deliver to CU studio.

Looking for one extremely ugly man to stand beside me and make me look better. Inquire in person. I’ll be holding a beer.

One cop looking for one unsuspecting victim. Women only. I’ll find you in my squad car.

Fire Chief looking for someone to spray with his hose.

Missed Connection- You: sexy thing with Gein bag winking @ me. Me: begging for change out front. Tell me that wasn’t sun in your eyes?

Grumpy bar manager seeks his life partner. About me: Lazy, affinity for top hats and napping. Can be found atop the entrance to the hostel or in MY seat at Lou’s. Sit there if you have a death wish. I also enjoy puppies, Skittles, and watching The Notebook. Bring me one pint of my favorite beer and have my heart forever

Female roommate wanted ASAP, dishes been piling up!

Free as-is furniture on sidewalk for as long as it lasts. Ignore any winos who claim he used to live here.

Free kittens! Adopted animals after storm, but running out of room!

Found: wallet in the alley between the bars. Tell me what used to be in it and it’s yours!

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